Lube is often treated like an emergency measure, something you reach for only when sex isn’t going quite as expected. In reality, it’s one of the most versatile, helpful tools in anyone’s sexual toolkit.
Used intentionally, lube can increase comfort, support accessibility, and open up more possibilities for pleasure across many different kinds of sex.
Rather than asking when lube is necessary, it can be more useful to ask: where could things feel better with less friction?
A Quick Lesson on “Natural Lubrication”
Vaginal lubrication occurs when increased blood flow allows fluid to pass through the vaginal walls. It can be influenced by:
- Hormones
- Stress
- Medication
- Pain
- Fatigue
- Hydration
- Overall health
Lubrication is not a reliable measure of desire or enjoyment.
Using Lube in Different Types of Sex
Anal Sex: Where Lube Is Already Normalised
Anal sex is one of the few sexual contexts where lube is widely understood as essential. The anus does not self-lubricate, regardless of arousal, mood, or how much you “really want it to.” Using generous amounts of lube reduces friction, protects delicate tissue, and makes relaxation more likely.
What’s useful here is the lesson anal sex quietly teaches us: when anatomy doesn’t cooperate, we adapt. Many people prefer thicker, longer-lasting lubes for anal play, particularly silicone or hybrid formulas, because they don’t dry out as quickly and don’t require constant reapplication.
Oral Sex & Lube
Saliva does a lot of work, but it’s not endless. During longer oral sessions, or when nerves, dehydration, or substances dry things out, a small amount of lube can make oral sex smoother and more comfortable.
Flavoured lubes can add a playful element for some people, though they’re not a requirement and not for everyone. As always, simpler ingredients tend to be kinder to sensitive tissue, and anything that numbs or tingles may not be everyone's cup of tea when engaging in oral sex.
Sex Toys: Designed to Work Better With Lube
Most sex toys are at their best with lube. It reduces friction, improves sensation, and can make toys easier to insert, hold, or move, which can be especially helpful for people with joint pain, limited mobility, or reduced grip strength.
Water-based lubes are compatible with all toys, while silicone-based lubes usually shouldn’t be used with silicone toys unless the manufacturer says otherwise. When in doubt, labels are your friend.
Touch, Massage, and External Play
Lube isn’t just for penetration. It can transform general touching, genital massage, hand sex, and external stimulation by allowing smoother, more continuous movement. For people with chronic pain, sensitive skin, or sensory differences, this can make touch feel more predictable and pleasurable.
Sometimes lube isn’t about making sex sexier, it’s about making it kinder and ensuring comfort.
When Bodies Change
Bodies are not static. Injury, illness, hormones, menopause, medications, childbirth, and recovery from surgery can all affect how tissues respond during sex.
This includes people who have had gender-affirming surgery. For many individuals with a surgically constructed vagina, the body does not self-lubricate in the same way as a cisgender vagina. In these cases, lube is not a workaround, it’s a standard part of sex that supports comfort, safety, and pleasure. Normalising this reinforces an important truth: good sex adapts to the body you have now, not the one you’re expected to perform.
Choosing the Right Lube
Water-based lubes are compatible with all toys and condoms and easy to clean.
Silicone-based lubes last longer and are popular for anal sex and shower play.
Oil-based lubes feel luxurious but aren’t safe with latex condoms.
Hybrid lubes offer a balance of longevity and ease.
Myth-Busting
Myth: If you need lube, you’re not turned on enough.
Reality: Arousal and lubrication are related, but not the same.
Myth: Lube is only for people with problems.
Reality: Lube is for anyone who enjoys smoother sensations.
Myth: Spit works just as well.
Reality: Lube is designed for the job.
The Takeaway
Using lube isn’t lowering expectations. It’s raising the standard.
