Busting Common Myths about Sex

Despite how common sex is, it's still one of the most misunderstood topics out there. Misinformation about sex is everywhere. It gets passed down through friends, social media, TV, films, books and even outdated health information. These myths can lead to confusion, shame, risky behavior, and unrealistic expectations.

Let’s cut through the noise and set the record straight. Here are some of the most common sex myths and the truth behind them.

This myth is not only outdated but it can be harmful. It reduces sex to just one act, usually penis in vagina sex. This is invalidating to other forms of sex and intimacy and often does not create space for the experiences of LGBTQ+ people, people with disabilities and anyone whose sex life doesn't follow that narrow script.

The Truth?

Sex is any consensual activity that involves physical intimacy and sexual connection. That includes oral sex, manual stimulation, mutual masturbation and many other forms of pleasure and closeness. For many people, penetrative sex might not be desirable, comfortable or even possible. This does not make their sexual experiences any less valid or meaningful.

Why It Matters

Defining sex narrowly leaves people misinformed about consent, pleasure and STI risks. It also reinforces shame and stigma for anyone who feels that their sex life doesn't conform to this "standard" model. The more inclusive and accurate our definitions, the healthier our understanding of sex becomes.

A lot of people, particularly those in relationships, can find themselves feeling a sense of pressure to have sex a certain amount within certain time frames. It can lead to a sense of anxiety and shame if people are not meeting these expectations. It can also be harmful and lead people to feel that they should be having sex, even if they may not want to.

The Truth?

There is no one-size fits all schedule for having sex. Some people may enjoy frequent sex, others may be happy with very little or none at all. How often people want to have sex varies due to lots of different factors such as hormonal changes, stress or other life style changes.

How often you have sex is about mutual satisfaction, not ticking a box. If the amount of sex you are having, works for you and your partner, it is valid.

Why it matters
This myth creates pressure, guilt, and shame, especially when life gets busy, stressful, or just changes. It can make couples doubt a perfectly healthy relationship. Instead of comparing your sex life to others’, focus on what works for you and your partner(s). Communication with your partner around your sex life is much more beneficial than trying to achieve rigid expectations around sex.

TV and movies often portray sex as effortless, spontaneous and passionate but in reality sex is not always like this. Sometimes it can be clumsy, slow or awkward or sometimes things don't go the way you imagined and that is OK.

The Truth?

Sometimes desire to have sex does not come as a spontaneous urge that comes out of no where. Good sex can take time, communication, and trust to develop.

Why it Matters

Real sex is rarely flawless. Comparing your sex life to movies or social media creates pressure and can set up unachievable expectations. Connection grows from realness and communication.

Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of sexuality. It can be a helpful way for people to explore their own bodies, learn and understand what feels good and can help relieve stress. Unlike sex with a partner(s), it can act as a private activity that allows a person space to focus entirely on their own comfort, boundaries and pleasure. It can also be an activity that partners can do together. Some partners may explore mutual masturbation as a way to build intimacy, learn more about each other's bodies and connect sexually in a safe, respectful way.

The Truth?

Masturbation is a normal and healthy for people who are single and in relationships. It's a form of self-connection, stress relief, curiosity or just personal pleasure. Many people in happy relationships masturbate and it does not mean that something is 'missing' from their relationship.

Why it matters

This myth can create feelings of guilt and lead to secrecy and unnecessary tension in relationships. It can cause individuals to feel like they need to question their connection or feel ashamed about a very normal and healthy behaviour. Solo pleasure should not threaten or compete with intimacy with partners. Masturbation can complement it or be something you do for yourself.

Sex can be a source of pleasure, connection, and intimacy that adults of all ages may enjoy. Sex is a natural and meaningful part of life for a lot of adults as long as it is consensual, safe and is aligned with a persons needs and values.

The Truth?

Adults of all ages can enjoy sex and intimacy, including those in their 60's, 70's, 80' and beyond. While physical changes such as the menopause, erectile difficulties or mobility challenges may affect how people experience sex, it doesn't eliminate desire or the ability to connect. In fact many older adults report very satisfying sex lives.

Why it matters

This myth results in older people's sexual identity being overlooked. In doing so, this can discourage older adults from seeking support around sex related matters or feeling comfortable expressing sexual desire. It can reinforce ageist stereotypes and prevent important conversations around sexual health, consent and pleasure later in life.

The length of time that sex lasts does not determine how good, meaningful or satisfying it is.

The Truth?

There is no stopwatch in the bedroom. What makes sex satisfying isn't how long it lasts, but how connected, consensual, and pleasurable it is for the people involved. Sometimes a quickie is exactly what you want. Other times it can be slower or more drawn out, both are valid.

Why it matters

This myth can put pressure of people to perform rather than enjoy sex. It can create anxiety about lasting "long enough", especially in men, and can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Good sex isn't about endurance, it is about tuning into your needs and your partner's. Less time does not equate to less value.

Sex can be enjoyable and pleasurable, even if you don't orgasm.

The Truth?

Orgasms can be amazing but they should not be the only goal of sex. Pleasure, intimacy, laughter, comfort, exploration and closeness are just as important. Sometimes orgasms don't happen and that is very normal. Sex can still be great even without climaxing.

Why it matters

If an orgasm is the only goal, sex can feel like a competition or a task list. If people feel that they have to orgasm, it can lead to people faking it, feeling pressure to "perform", or judging themselves negatively if it doesn't happen. Especially for people with vulvas, orgasms can often take time, stimulation, or don't always happen and that is OK. Shifting the focus away from "finishing" can open up a more relaxed, fulfilling experience for everyone.

Consent is not a tick box exercise. Everyone involved should feel safe, comfortable and able to say yes or no at any time, without pressure or fear.

The Truth?

Consent is not a one-time agreement. It must be ongoing, enthusiastic, and freely given, throughout every sexual encounter. Just because someone agreed to something in the past, doesn't mean they will continue to be comfortable with it at a different time. People are allowed to change their minds, pause, say no or renegotiate boundaries.

Why it matters

If assumptions are made about consent being present, it can violate a persons autonomy. True consent is about communication and respect, not entitlement. Normalising regular, honest check-ins makes sex safer, more connected, and far more enjoyable for everyone involved.

If someone does not give clear consent to sex and the other person keeps going anyway, that is not okay and is a serious offence. Everyone has the right to say no, and that must be respected.