When people hear the word intimacy, they often think of something purely physical. But intimacy is much broader and, much softer, than we're usually taught.
At its core, intimacy is about connection.
It's about feeling seen, safe and understood with someone else and with yourself.
Intimacy isn't one thing
Intimacy can look like:
- Feeling emotionally close to someone
- Being able to communicate openly
- Sharing trust, vulnerability or care
- Feeling comfortable in your body
- Experiencing closeness without pressure or expectation
For some people, physical closeness is part of that.
For others, it isn’t, or it changes over time.
And all of those experiences are valid.
Why so many of us feel confused about intimacy
Most of us were never given language for intimacy beyond a very narrow script.
We were taught what it should look like, rather than how it should feel.
That can lead to:
- Pressure to perform
- Comparing ourselves to others
- Feeling “behind” or “broken”
- Staying silent about what doesn’t feel right
When intimacy is framed as something you do, rather than something you experience, it’s easy to lose touch with your own needs.
Intimacy changes and that's normal.
There's no one "right" way to be intimate.
Intimacy isn’t static.
It changes with life stages, stress, injury, illness, faith journeys, relationships and personal growth.
What felt right once might not feel right now.
And what feels meaningful now might shift again in the future.
That doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means you’re human.
One of the most freeing things to unlearn is the idea that intimacy has a single definition.
Intimacy can be:
- Slow
- Gentle
- Curious
- Quiet
- Emotional
- Practical
- Physical
- Deeply personal
You don’t owe anyone a version of intimacy that doesn’t feel aligned with you.
What Sex Actually is here for
At Sex Actually, we believe intimacy education should be:
- Inclusive of all identities and experiences
- Free from shame and pressure
- Grounded in real bodies and real lives
- Curious, not prescriptive
We’re not here to tell you how intimacy should look.
We’re here to help you explore what intimacy actually means for you.
We share more articles like this on communication, pleasure, intimacy after injury, faith, identity and connection — all designed to be gentle, accessible and inclusive.
